I wake to grey light filtering through the blinds in my room.  It's utterly quiet outside.  My head is pounding and my throat is completely dry.  I feel like I haven't had water in days.  I work my mouth a few times, croaking and trying to make spit happen.  It makes me cough and I roll over to my side and pull myself up to kneel.  My head aches from the movement.  I close my eyes against the pain at my temples.  When I open them, I see it.  

I'm back.  To me.  To old me.  I close my eyes again and almost feel like crying.  I don't even know why but I can feel a lump in my throat and the threat of tears starting.  I breathe deeply with my forehead against the bed until the feeling passes.  I don't even know why that just happened.  The only thing I can come up with is it feels like something is missing.  A part of me.  Some important thing that's gone.  For a half second, I wonder if I dreamed all of last night but I know my dreams and how they work and that's impossible.  Plus... when I sit back, I touch my leg and feel the dried cum.  Even from here I can smell it and I know it's not just mine.  Not just my old cum.

I taste my fingers and I feel the stirrings of my erection.  The switch from pussy to cock is surreal.  Earlier is a blur but it was such a strong feeling that I can feel the echo of it even still.  My brain is having a hard time remembering the feel of a wet pussy.  My dick throbs from the memory of it and there’s this strange disassociation that my brain is doing.  It’s trying to put me in the place of a man fucking the she-wolf rather than me being the she-wolf and masturbating.  It’s trying to compensate for what happened.  Trying to reconcile it with me as a man.

It takes 5 seconds to cum while jacking myself off.  I almost feel pathetic.  I don't even try to stop the cum as it spurts all over the side of my bed.  Only then do I notice a large dried spot on the floor where I was laying.  I lean down and smell it - it's the she-wolf's scent.  Before I know what I'm doing, I'm rubbing the side of my face against it, a small growl escaping my lips without a thought.  The cheap carpeting is only very slightly wet now.

I almost cry again but I put it away quickly.  The suit!  It has to be somewhere.  I search frantically.  The bedroom is empty except for the plastic wrapping the suit came in and the shattered box.  I don't remember breaking it.  Nothing under the bed, in the closet... In my rush, I step on glass from the broken dresser mirror and it hurts badly but I ignore it.  Hallway closet, kitchen, bathroom, living room - all are empty.  The lid for the box is in the living room but that's it.  I peek out of my front door onto my steps but no new box waits for me.

I can feel the lump in my throat yet again but I push it away and make my way to the shower.  Sleep won't be coming again tonight.  This morning.  Whatever damn time it is.  Not after that.  I notice the small bit of glass in my foot when I step onto the bathroom linoleum.  I bite back a curse and sit to pull it out.  The seat is cold on my ass.  I feel drained.  Of energy and everything else.  The shower heats up quickly and I step into the warmth, closing my eyes to water cascading over my face and hair.  Memories of the night hit me almost physically, forcing me back.  A small whimper escapes my lips and my knees buckle.  I sit before I can fall from it.  Clutching my knees to my chest, I let my mind go and ignore everything except the steady stream from the shower head.

I don't know how long I sit like that but I can feel the water starting to turn colder.  I stand and start my routine - shampoo worked into my blond hair.  Bar of soap, lathered with my hands and then... when I accidentally brush my soapy hands against my small nipple, I feel a tiny jolt of electricity shoot down to my balls.  My dick works at becoming hard but it's too soon after jacking off and it stays mostly limp.  I turn with my back to the shower head and lean my forehead against the shower wall.  My finger tweaks my useless nipple and I feel the tickling electricity building at the base of my dick.  I know it's useless but I touch the spot between my balls and my ass with my other hand and press against my skin.  If I pretend hard enough, I think I can feel a faint echo of last night's pleasure.  But, I'm fooling myself and all I'm feeling is the ticklish pressure building in my balls from the nipple.  I stop and rinse off, sighing heavily.

Five minutes to finish brushing my somewhat crooked teeth.  My parents could never afford braces and, now that I'm older, there's other things I'd rather buy.  It's when I'm pulling my pants on that I notice - I'm thinner than I was before.  My excess fat is gone.  Everywhere.  No developing beer gut, no slightly flabby arms and I can see the faint trace of muscle on my legs.  Not actual toned muscles but there's no fat to hide what's there.  My pants are loose enough for me to notch up three more holes on my belt.  My polo shirt is noticeably loose but I have nothing tighter - I donated all of my old smaller clothes to Goodwill years ago.

I sit and think about it while rubbing my leg.  Why?  Burning calories for whatever happened last night or something else?  I don't feel different otherwise.  No strange bursts of energy, everything else looks the same.  Same moles, same few freckles, same pimple on my left arm and everything.  I couldn't even begin to guess.  

My bedside clock tells me it's getting close to 6 in the morning so I decide to check for any messages from the dating websites I use.  Primarily OKCupid but I've had a few nibbles on Craigslist as well.  Lots of freaks and fake people on that last one but I've become good at sniffing them out.  Takes me a bowl of sugary cereal to make my way through new ads.  

I almost respond to one ad on Craigslist but then I stop.  What the hell?  Did last night seriously happen?  What the fuck am I doing?  I stand and hunt for the packing slip from the box... crate... thing.  I find it on the floor next to the couch.  It's empty.  Completely blank - my name isn't anywhere on the sheet of paper.  Nothing.  No faded ink, no impression from any typewriter or anything else.  Just a pure white piece of paper.  But, the paper exists.  And the box.  And the plastic bag.  I'm not losing my mind.  I'm not.  The cum on the carpet, too.  I didn't make that up.  I didn't run a marathon in my sleep and burn off all my fat somehow.

My alarm startles me and I drop the paper.  Shit.  It's my warning to start heading to work.  Should I call in sick?  And then what?  Mope around my apartment?  No, no.  Not that.  Work will distract me.  I'll take some time to puzzle things out and I can tackle things again when I get home.   I grab my wallet, keys and jacket and head out.

My car is a humble little Honda that gets me going fast enough to barely beat the morning traffic rush.  Nearly 180,000 miles and still going.  It was a graduation present from my parents and I've tried to keep it in good shape.  The best I can, anyway.

There's usually not too many people in at this time of the morning and today's no exception.  The receptionist doesn't get in until 8 and my boss gets in whenever the hell he wants so I make my way quietly to my desk.  We have a fancy coffee and tea machine with free packs of both but coffee is disgusting so I load up my huge mug with hot water and a packet of green tea.

Work passes.  I'm barely there.  It's the same thing as most every other day - pressure from the sales team, my boss hiding and letting me take most of the hits.  I'm counting the minutes until I'm done.

When I finally am done, I bolt for it.  But, rather than follow my routine and head home, I sit in my car.  A few other people make their way to their cars but I lean my seat back and close my eyes, breathing in slowly.  I try to let the stress from work just wash off of me.  Instead, my brain helpfully offers of imagery from the night before.  Like an asshole.  Last night is hard to remember exactly but I get little flashes of things.  Looking down at ... my breasts.  The incredibly intense feeling of the pussy and clit.  The fur and tail and muzzle and - but, no.  Little flashes.  That's all I can remember.  It's not that the memories are fading, they're just fuzzy and broken.

Pushing the memories aside, I find I'm rubbing my dick and chest.  Except not really rubbing my dick at all.  I've got my hand cupped around where my dick and balls are in my pants with my two of my fingers brushing against the area below the balls.  I'm massaging my balls, dick and that one spot.  And moaning while arching my back ever so slowly.  The hand on my chest is pressed against my pec - right where the bottom of some imagined tit would be.

I flush and stop.  Except to scratch my chest below the imagined breast - the shirt feels loose and itchy against my skin.  It's a good scratch, too. I feel it all the way down to my feet, through my balls.  My feet twist in response.  Damn.

A decision is made.  New clothes!  For some reason, the thought of going home like usual does not work for me right now.  I don't want to be alone with my thoughts.  Not right now.  Going back home, being near the bedroom... I think having experienced what I did and then losing it is not something I want to face right now.  It’s like learning your favorite childhood home was bought by someone else.  You don’t want to go and see what they’ve done to the place - the memories are too painful.

Traffic is somewhat light and it only takes me ten minutes to find a parking spot in the sprawling mall parking lot, near the JC Penny side of the mall.  I feel nervous being in public.  Anxious.  As if everyone looking at me knows what happened last night.  Knows about my fetish, the werewolf stuff and the... the... whatever happened.  That I was a woman. She-wolf.  Whatever.  It feels like they're all staring and judging me.  Dammit.  I don't usually get creepy paranoia but it's hitting me pretty hard and making my heart pound in my ears.  I almost decide to go back home after all.  Almost.  I feel weirdly self-conscious and that's never happened.  But, no, I keep going.

The store is slightly busy.  As usual, the entrance dumps me into the women's section.  I think it must be standard policy for department stores to have the men's section out of the way upstairs or in a small corner.  And then they hide the escalators.  It takes me a moment to spot the way upstairs but I do and I make my way there.  Through the lingerie section.  I can't help glancing at the mannequins.  It's a thing - like spotting a pretty girl at the corner of my eyes.  So, I look.  And I turn red.  And stop.

Did I look like that?  I feel my dick stirring in my pants and I'm thankful they're loose now.

The mannequin in slim.  From what I remember last night, I... I turn red even thinking of it.  Thinking of myself in that way.  As a woman.  Like the mannequin.  But, no, I was more fleshed out.  I don't know if it was because of the werewolf bit or something else but I remember the size of my thighs.  The size of my breasts.  I wish I'd seen myself as a plain w... I stop again.  Jesus.  What the hell?  No.  No, I'm not going to be ashamed of it.  I was a woman.  A she-wolf.  Temporarily.  There's nothing wrong with wanting to have seen what I looked like as a woman.  It doesn't change who I am.  I just... looked a lot different.  And wished I could've seen myself better.

So I look at the mannequin and wonder.  And feel my erection throbbing.  Did my ass look like that?  My ass as a man is somewhat flat and simply there.  Did I have wider hips?  I think I did.  Dammit.  The she-wolf.  I can't make up my mind to think of it like "Did I..." or as "Did the she-wolf..."  I was the she-wolf but there's a difference there.  Something I won't see again.  Something that wasn't entirely me.  From what I remember of looking down, my (I was in that skin so they are mine, not the she-wolf's – why quibble about it?) breasts were definitely bigger.  I don't think I've ever seen a department store mannequin with big breasts.  Or even decent sized.  I'm scratching my chest again, subconsciously, but it feels good so I let it go.

I find my eyes drawn back to the ass of the mannequin.  The ass and where the pussy would be.  I can remember my fingers between my thighs, rubbing my pussy and I can almost remember how it felt - the wetness on my fingers (paws?) and the electricity of those same fingers on the... my pussy lips.  I imagine the mannequin on its knees, fingering itself like I did, leaning forward with one hand on the ground.  I have to physically shift my feet around at the memory and visual.  My face must be bright red right now.  And then, in my imagination, the mannequin goes to both hands, ass in the air, pussy wet and waiting for me and I feel the ache in my balls.

Only it's not me.  It's not me behind the mentally animated mannequin.  I'm placing myself in the mannequin's spot and someone else is behind me.  Me on my hands and knees, ass up.  Me with a dripping cunt.  Me waiting for ... for what?  For what?  For who?  I don't... I don't know how this ends.  It has to be a woman behind me, right?  But it's not.  My fucking brain keeps pushing a picture of some faceless guy on his knees behind the mannequin... me... the she-wolf.  FUCK!  It's confusing as hell.

I don't go for woman-on-woman porn.  I enjoy watching the penetration and watching the woman get fucked.  Not fake porn star stuff but amateur videos where the couple is actually enjoying themselves and making really hot, honest noises.  Yeah, I get hard watching two women go at it.  Sure.  But I'd rather watch a guy and girl do it.  Or dig through my werewolf stuff for a good picture to look at.  Some random woman transformed half-way into a werewolf, naked and turned on from the change.

My brain isn't helping.  It's picturing the mannequin/she-wolf on hands and knees, putting me there since I was just picturing how I stacked up and then adding in the guy.  And it's not me as the guy.  

And I want it.  No.  No, the she-wolf wants it.  It's not me.  I've accidentally caught gay male porn while digging around and I can honestly say it didn't do it for me.  At all.  I don't harbor secret homosexual desires.  I'm not a closeted homosexual.  Men just... they just don't... It's the same.  That's what it is.  The same as watching the porn - men and women.  No big deal.  I'm just picturing it slightly differently is all.  And because I lived that, as a woman, she-wolf, whatever - I lived that briefly so I'm just seeing it for a bit in that way.  I relax muscles I wasn't aware I was holding.  So, if that's true...

The imagined faceless man leans forward, holding his dick and guiding it toward the w... my... puss -

"Can I help you find anything, sir?"  The saleswoman's voice makes me jump.  Literally. I can't remember the last time someone made me actually jump.  My heart is suddenly in my throat and the only reason I don't shriek is that I can't make my mouth work.  I feel my face absolutely burning as I gape at the woman like a dying fish.

When my voice finally works, I gasp out a "No, just looking!"  And then turn even redder when I realize how that sounds right now with where I’m standing.  The lady raises an eyebrow at the comment.  I'm not graceful about things.  I just walk away.  I'll remember that incident for a very, very long time.  I avoid looking at anyone else as I make my way up to the next floor, straight to the men's area.

Polo shirts and slacks.  Simple.  I hold a few up to myself and it looks like I'm an easy medium size now.  Pant size seems to be a 30 rather than 34 and the 30 looks like it'll fit slightly loose.  Normally I'd just buy the clothes and go but I need to make sure they fit.  I avoid the sales ladies in shame and find the nearest room and strip bare.

The pants fit but I'm off on my guess - they're oddly snug around the sides.  Not bad but they remind me I'm wearing them whenever I move.  I admire myself in the mirror.  No shame in that - I can't remember the last time I was in shape.  My stomach is flat and my... oh, I hadn't noticed.  My chest is hairless now.  Funny.  I used to have just a bit of chest hair between my pecs but it's gone now.  I could see that making sense if changing into a lady.  Whatever caused it to happen could’ve killed all my body hair or something but there's the werewolf thing as well.  Would they have canceled each other out?  And smooth.  I run my fingers along my chest where the hair used to be and then over to a small line of redness on my side, a little ways below my left nipple.  No wonder I've been scratching.  No bumps or anything - just red.  I scratch lightly and it feels wonderful.  Which probably means I shouldn't scratch.  I wonder if I've become suddenly allergic to my detergent?  

The shirts won't work - they bother my skin.  A lot.  I could try washing them at home (with a new detergent?) and see if that does it but it feels like things are crawling all over me while I'm wearing them.  At least with my old shirt, it was loose so I couldn't notice.  I check the tag on the new shirts - polyester and cotton.  My old shirt is the same.  Shit.  All right.  I dress back in my old clothes and head out, putting the new shirts back.  I nearly find a sales lady but I'm still stinging from earlier so I just start walking around.  Almost everything is a polyester/cotton blend.

Oh.  Silk.  Wow.  That feels nice.  But, Jesus!  $70 for a simple shirt?  Still... I grab a couple and head back to the changing room.  The difference is amazing.  Yeah, I've touched silk before but I've never worn it or felt it against my skin this much.  And the way it rubs against me? Against my nipples?  I'm sold.  I don't feel any of the irritation I felt earlier and they just feel so damn good.  And pricey.  I shrug.  I'm fairly smart about my money so it's not a big deal even with my meager paycheck.

Two shirts, two pants and I can even look the cute checkout girl in the eye without blushing.  There.  See?  I'm fine.  I can look at the checkout girl and know that I'd fuck her in a heartbeat.  I like girls just fine.  I can easily see her bent over her counter top, my hands grabbing at her little tits, fucking her from behind, my dick slamming into her over and ov-

"Sir?  Is this all today?"  I'm growling a little and clawing the top of her counter slightly with my nails.  Jesus.  What?  

"Yes, sorry.  Sorry.  Yes, that's all."  I clear my throat and look away.  As nonchalantly as possible.  And failing at it.  Debit card swiped, bag grabbed, girl's eyes avoided and I make a hasty exit from the store and to my car.  And from the car to my house and inside.  I don't think of anything on the way.  Nothing.  I keep focused on the cars in front of me as I drive.

Only when I'm safely inside my house do I relax.  And, yes, I checked the front for another mysterious box.  I have to face it.  That was it.  That's all.  And I can deal with that.  I'll never forget it.  Ever.  At least not the pieces I can remember.  I just... I just wish I'd had more time.  Or could remember the whole thing better.  I drop the bag of clothes on the floor by the couch and go to the bedroom to change.  Nothing feels quite right on me right now and I forgot to stop at the store to get different detergent.  I could go out again but I really don't want to face people right now.  It's getting late, anyway.  The clock on the microwave tells me I've killed three hours driving in traffic and shopping.

I'm exhausted.  Mentally and physically.  My stomach rolls slightly at the thought of instant food but all I want to do is eat and go to bed.  So, I find myself making (microwaving) a random frozen dinner in the kitchen.  In my underwear.  Not quite a first but I rarely walk around without clothes on.  It's just that I feel comfortable at the moment.  Call it my new weight and the way my old clothes itch, if you want.

Food nuked, drink made, I go and sit down at the computer to eat.  No new messages on OKCupid, as usual.  Nothing on Craigslist.  A typical night, basically.  I catch up on a few local news stories while I eat but I rush through it.  I've been turned on all day and need some release.  Plus, my ass is starting to hurt.  Less padding?  Who knows.  It's uncomfortable but not a big deal.

One good thing about microwaved dinners?  No dishes.  I toss the tray away then sit back at the computer.  With tissues.  I have a set of websites I visit for porn.  Standard porn and werewolf stuff.  I decide it's an evening for watching real people so I load up RedTube and go to their amateur section.  I have a couple favorites and I decide on this one couple where they go through all kinds of different positions.  The lady is in shape - not rail thin (gross) but nicely curved.  Big tits but not obscenely so.  I usually skip straight to doggy-style (my favorite position and the best part of the video) but I let it start from the beginning and fondle myself while they laugh and play with each other.  The lady is hot and the guy is in pretty good shape with a decent sized dick.  The girl is rolling around half-naked on the bed when I realize what I'm doing.

Usually, I watch the woman and imagine myself doing the undressing and playing.  Not this time.  No.  This time I'm comparing.  Like with the mannequin.  I'm watching almost as if I'm taking notes on her shape.  As if I'm filling in the holes of last night memories with the shape of this woman.  As if I'm watching her to get an idea of what I might've looked like.  It probably doesn't sound like a big deal but it's really fucking different for me.

Goddammit.  I skip ahead to just before she goes to her hands and knees.  She's on her back, naked now, legs and arms wrapped around the guy.  He's fucking her bare and she's moaning from the pounding she's getting.  I find my eyes drawn to her pussy, watching the guy's dick and the way she's moving with him.  I tell myself that's normal.  And, it is.  I totally do that.  Except I'm wondering what it feels like.  If it's much different from what I remember of my fingers in my pussy.  In my wet cunt.  My sopping wet pussy.  

My hands are working frantically at my dick now, remembering last night.  Remembering the little bits I can.  Shit, yes.  I'm close.  The way it felt to have that muscle stretched by those fingers.  Fuck, yes.  Mmmmm... I'm moaning but I don't notice.  I never moan.  Ever.  I'm quiet in bed.  But I'm moaning now.  Yes.  Would a dick be different?  Different than the way the fingers felt?  Sh..shit...so close... so close... the fingers or the dick, I don't care... just picturing... hands and knees... filled with a thick coc... my orgasm hits hard and cum goes everywhere.  Son of a bitch!  I forgot the tissues!  My toes are curling and I'm still pumping myself and cumming, feeling the hot liquid on my hands and watching it hit my desk.  F...fuck... Jesus.  My heart is racing, my face is flushed and, oh Jesus, did I just whimper?  No, no, no.  That shit won't work.  I do not want to be fucking some girl and then... do that.

I sigh and reach for the tissues.  The cum is already turning cold on the tops of my fingers.  I remember last night.  I remember part of that - tasting the girl cum.  And my own cum.  I stare.  My dick stirs feebly at the thought.  The thought of tasting my own cum.  And I look at it.  At my hand.  At the nearly clear liquid on my fingers.  No.  I won't.  I can't.  I've mostly used condoms in my life but this one semi-serious relationship, we ditched and went bare.  I avoided oral with her after cumming.  Because that's what you do, right?  You don't go down on a girl after you've cum in her.  So, no.  I won't.  But the pull is undeniable.  Fucking thing!  If you're going to give me something like one night of being a woman then you could do the fucking courtesy of not leaving any bullshit behind!  I'm not sure who I'm mentally cursing but I'm mad.  Or I tell myself that's why my heart is racing.

No.

No, no, no.

Fucking no.

I close my eyes and bring my hand to my lips.  I picture it.  She-wolf.  Woman.  Like last night.  My dick isn't feeble any more.  I'm mostly hard again.  But, in my mind, I'm a she-wolf.  I picture it clearly.  Only this time I'm on my knees and forearm, reaching a hand to my pussy to grab cum out of me, pulling it to my mouth.

The taste surprises me.  It's good.  I didn't even know I put my fingers in my mouth but I did.  And it's good.  Really good.  I moan and I can't fucking help it.  It's a needy kind of moan.  I find myself pushing my fingers into my mouth and getting hard because of it, sucking on them as I pull them out, cleaning off the cum.  Feeling it against my teeth as I scrape and taste it with my tongue.  Salty but a hint of something I can't describe.

I'm not going to lie.  I clean up all of my cum except for the bits on the carpet.  And by "clean up", I mean I use my fingers to pick the cum up and then lick myself off.  Not just a quick lick of my fingers but sucking on them.  That turns me on almost more than the taste of my own cum.  I close my eyes every time I do it.  I tell myself that it's because I'm imagining myself back as the she-wolf but, I'm not.  I'm just closing my eyes to taste it.  To take away distracting sensations and focus on my mouth.

And then I masturbate again.  I briefly consider hunching over and aiming for my mouth but, fuck it, I want it on my fingers.  I want the feeling of my fingers deep in my mouth as I suck the cum off ... the orgasm hits me again and my legs are twisting from it.  From the release of pressure in my balls.  I held one hand over the held of my dick and I feel the cum hit it.

I don't hesitate.  I dip the fingers of my one hand into the cum and start sucking.  It's almost like I'm hypnotized.  I have no rational thoughts.  None.  I'm moaning at the feeling of my fingers in my mouth and the taste of the cum.  I swear to god, my dick is trying to get hard again but it's not happening.  And then, I'm clean.  And I still want more.  I can still feel the taste in my mouth and it actually makes me smile.  I... I want to blame this on the wolf.  On the woman.  It's just because last night was so recent.  Echoes of that.  That’s all.  I'm wishing my stomach would clench in disgust and I'd throw up but, I don’t.  And THAT makes me happy because, shit, because I don't want to lose this taste in my mouth.

I can't get comfortable on the chair anymore.  My ass actually hurts a lot.  A soreness from sitting too long.  I glance over at the porn - they lady is straddling the guy and riding his cock.  My eyes are drawn to it.  His cock.  I shut off the thought of wondering what the guy's cum tastes like.  No.  That's too fucking far.

Instead, I kneel on the floor.  Like last night.  Thighs spread.  I can feel the carpet on my balls.  I play with them briefly but then go to my hands and knees with my head down and my eyes closed.  My ass spreads from the motion and I can feel the air on my asshole.  Like this?  I picture the she-wolf again.  She wants it, I tell myself.  She wants to see what this would be like.

She does.

I can still taste the cum in my mouth.

No.

I stand up.  My legs are shaky and my ass hurts but I ignore it.  A quick scratch to my bare chest and I go wash my hands.  No.  This will pass.  It'll go away.  I'm done with it.  Never again.  Never fucking again.

I don't brush my teeth that night.  I tell myself it's because I'm tired but that's not why.  Not at all.  I just don't want to lose the taste of cum in my mouth yet.